Five reasons why children/youth may not listen to what you ask:
- I can’t do it!
- I don’t understand!
- I can’t hear you!
- I have never done this before!
- What is in it for me?
I Can't Do It!
Are there any barriers in the way? Is your instruction appropriate for the situation? There may be environmental, cognitive, medical or physical barriers preventing your child/youth from following your instruction. For example:
- asking child/youth to put away a book on a shelf that is too high
- teaching 5-year-old child about quantum physics
- asking a constipated 12-year-old to cut the lawn
- asking a 3-year-old to cut a full page of shapes
Solutions
- Decrease barriers when possible (change the environment, know your child/youth’s current cognitive abilities, change expectations if child/youth unwell)
- Increase prompting: give more help
- Decrease the amount of effort required from your child/youth
- If a task seems too hard because of how much you expect your child/youth to do, or how much effort is required, you can have him/her complete some aspect of the task independently and help with the rest
I Don’t Understand!
Are the instructions/expectations clear? A child/youth may not follow if a message is unclear, not specific, or formed as a question (rather than a statement).
For example, what if you said, “John, can you please clean up your room and put your clothes away?”
- John can say “no,” which is a valid and appropriate answer
- Saying “clean up your room” implies John knows everything involved (e.g., making his bed, vacuuming, putting away games/toys, picking up clothes, dusting, etc.)
- You are asking John to do multiple things with this one request
Solutions
- Make sure the message is clear on what you expect your child/youth to do
- Use as few words as possible
- Give one demand at a time (“John, vacuum your room”)
- Instruction is specific and says exactly what you want him/her to do
- Instead of “clean up your room,” you could say, “put toys on the floor into the bin”
- Use questions ONLY when child/youth can answer yes/no
I Can’t Hear You!
Children/youth with Autism Spectrum Disorders often have a hard time processing a lot of stimuli at the same time. If your child is watching TV while looking at a book and rocking, it is not likely he/she will hear your instruction.
Solutions
- Decrease distractions in the environment
- Turn off noise and background stimuli (TV, video games, cause/effect music toys)
- Close curtains, put away distracting items
- Pay attention to things that may be bothering your child/youth’s senses, like itchy clothing, tight or loose clothing, wet clothes, etc.
I Have Never Done This Before!
A child/youth may never have done what you are asking. The thing you are asking might be too difficult. Ask yourself, “Have I ever seen him/her do this before?”
Solutions
- Show your child/youth what you want him/her to do
- Help your child/youth by using prompts
- Break a larger skill down into smaller skills
- If you want to teach your child to do the laundry, you need to teach all the smaller steps involved first